It rained yesterday afternoon. For the second time this year. I was absolutely overjoyed. As soon as it turned grey and I heard the first growl of nature, I jumped out of my bed, put my Pamuk book down and pulled all the curtains. The cool rainy breeze hit my face. I closed my eyes. I love the feel of rain on my skin.

I got P the Lonely Planet’s guide to India for his birthday. It’s one must-have for anyone who loves traveling. Of all the things I want in life, I want to see at least 80% of what’s there in that book. Needless to say, with P. :D

I so envy those people who have these super cool travel blogs with amazing snaps of all the places they have traveled to. Every time I see these blogs, there is this intense desire to get there too. To feel what’s it like to actually be there. In those wonderful places. To touch. To see. To soak in every bit of the place. Of that moment.

In between all this, college is nearing its end. In a few more months under-grad college life will be over for me. And obviously that imminent question seems to be looming ahead of me as well. What next?
Well honestly speaking I am not absolutely clueless. I do know what I want. However, the enormity of the very question itself is scary. You know like when someone asks you what exactly you want out of life. Now, how is one supposed to answer that? How do you put all your wants, all your desires, your dreams into one concise answer? At least I don’t think I can. Aren’t all those wants, those dreams themselves sewn together to create the continuity of life? Like one stitched to the other to create your very own life…

There are so many things I want in my life. So many I cannot even begin to list. And I know all of them are not directly linked to my earning a degree, a job and eventually a social status.
As of now, I’m happy with the idea that I’ll soon be graduating. It feels good. Feels older. But good.

And yes, the rain brought with it these tiny ice-like particles too. I gobbled one of them. Just like that. It tasted like nature.

More than words

I now know why I have not been able to put together anything for a while. Not a word. Not a sentence. Nothing.

Probably you’ll laugh at it. Probably you’ll nod just the way you do, with small tufts of hair falling on your forehead. Or maybe you’ll pull me close to you and say in your very characteristic manner,

“Girl you are crazy!”

But then it’s true you know. For I see no other reason.

Anyway, now that I’ve begun this, there are a few things I would like to tell you. You know when you leave me to be on my own for a while, while you sit down before me to make our coffee, I keep looking at you. At times, thinking but mostly for nothing at all.
And as you hold the coffee in between your palms and take in the aroma, I wonder…
‘Bout how this would all end.
You know how obsessive I am about conclusions. About closures.

Maybe you will wince. Or maybe you’ll ask me to shut up. But by closures I mean something else.
I know some things are never meant to end. They are forever. Yes, they are.
And so is this.
All I mean is the fulfillment of some desires. The answers to some questions. The conformity to an otherwise unknown destiny.
Actually, to put it simply...
The story of our lives. Yours and mine.

Probably, you think of it too at times. For I have often seen you looking at me when we are at a bookstore and you have an opened book in your hands. And when confronted, you safely choose to comment on my kohl or my ear-rings.
But then that’s just you.

You…
And your roses in that poetry book. They are safe with me. And they forever shall.

So now you know why I have not been able to put together any words of late.
I was only trying to write about you…