The days...

'IIT JEE results out'.
Sms.I prefer not to name the 'angel' who kindly text messaged this to me today morning but dude I hate you.I wasnt even awake man !!! Why do these kinda news (I mean the awful ones) have to reach me before I'm prepared or rather before I make myself 'effect-proof'.Cause damnit!!....they do affect.Not very pleasing to look at a screen with...'YOU DONT QUALIFY'.Wait...a sec....I'm yet to check my results......
Whatever.... it did reach me...and no matter how hard I tried to press my face into the pillow I knew my sleep had left my room...it was useless lying there on my bed looking at the ceiling which now seemed to resemble my mind-BLANK.

I remember the day, dad brought me to CP.Sitting there in their impressive Chowringee Centre, I had no clue what awaited me.NO CLUE.Ohh.. in case you do not know..(which supposedly is the case)CP happens to be an IITJEE coaching centre,making its presence strongly felt in the list of innumerable IITJEE coaching centres in our country.Please ask someone else how good (or bad) the centre is...I have lesser idea than the guy who delivers newspaper at our (our???) centre.
Whatever...

I was supposed to prepare for the engineering entrance exams,here.They like handed me a sheet with all stupid questions.I mean the usual acceleration,velocity,work,power,propane,ethane,matrices,calculus......blah,blah,blah......uggghhhh !!!
I was fidgeting with my paper and pencil when I realised I was supposedly taking an entrance exam in order to prepare for THE ENTRANCE EXAM.Sounds complicated ...huh? It is. It is.
So a letter informs me one day I'm selected. Like they would refuse me with all the money I was offering them in order to screw me for a year.Whatever.....its hard to believe now but i was infact excited then.Why? I have as little idea as you do.

And thus began one completely awful year.Five days at school and the weekends locked up at CP.For one complete year.Might not sound that stressful for some of you out there ,but for me it was living hell.Given the kinda person I am.I have never studied for more than half an hour at a stretch.Imagine six hours of continuous gruelling lectures and to spice it all up surprise quizzes dropped in ocassionally(Correction-frequently).My scores ......ummm they were a bit crooked like me.I mean no matter how much I tried I just couldnt make myself love what I was doing.Let alone love ....post few months I couldnt even bear the classes.Talking to teachers didnt help,friends were bit of a help at times but you know there are times when you need a little more than that 'bit of a help'.Reasoning out with dad wasnt feasible either.Worse, he was expecting me to do fabulously out there.Not a very inviting situation as you can see.

But as you know everything happens for a reason.In my case the reason is still a tad too blurred (for me).The CP sessions taught me more than mathematics and physics.They taught me to 'adapt' most importantly.To wait.To listen to things you didnt want to.I realised that we dont always make the right decisions.Worse,sometimes we completely misunderstand ourselves.Blaming is easy.Accepting is hard.And not quitting the toughest.And its not always 'your way'.

You also realise that the term 'good' is a very relative one.Yes,I know I'm a good student,thank you.But as I said its relative.How good?Am I better than A?Is B better than me?All unnecessary questions which can be dispelled by a simple...'Who cares?'.But we all know we care and more.The word 'competition' is a real funny one.We are competing...huh?What for? A college....eventually a job.... salary...social acceptance..???? Will you believe me if I say I dont want all this.'There she goes again'.....I wont blame you.Sometimes I say that to myself infact.

Ohh...I just forgot.The CP sessions....right??Lets dump it.In one word,they were AWFUL.Okay two words...Necessary Crap.I was pressingly frustrated even before half the course was done.I dragged along somehow.Surprisingly enough,no matter how bad or good things are....they miraculously do come to an end.As did the cruel year.Followed by an unending chain of exams.And now even they are over.Ohh no....I dont miss anything at all.Their departure is such a soothing relief.

I wont get into how tough it is to clear JEE with Boards.All that is crap.Seriously.Its no big deal.All you need is the WILL.I lacked that.Never wanted it.So never got it.(okay I still have to check the, reults right?...hopes....I tell you.)Whatever...I cant crap anymore.As for my results...common even you must have guessed it by now!!

Headache.And why isnt this IIT site working.Tch..Tch..
(Sorry dad).

Siskiyaan...

Mujhse poochte ho main kaun hoon..
Meri aahat ab ek sawaal hai tumhaare liye.
Kehte ho yaad nahi kuch..
Anjaan mere khayaal hai tumhare liye.

Roshni se roothe baithe ho..
Kehte ho andheron ne gher rakha hai.
Ajnabiyon se dosti hain tumhari..
Apno se mooh mod rakha hai.

Agar kaho toh saath chal sakti hoon..
Na kehne par bhi mujhe aana hai.
Kehte ho iski zaroorat nahi..
Tanhaaiyon se tumhaara yeh ajeeb yaraana hai.

Khwaab ek nahi humaare..
Raahoin ko bhi bat jaana hai.
Ajeeb hai meri yeh uljhan..
Haath phir bhi maine tumhaara hi thaama hai.

Jo toot gayi agar main..
Samet paaoge apne aap ko.
Jo aawaz meri tum tak na pauhunchi..
Samjha paaoge apne aap ko.

Kaisa asar hai tumhaara yeh..
Sawaal karna mujhe bhi seekha diya.
Jawaab na dhoond saki toh..
Sawaalon se hi man behla liya.

Yaadoin ko kuretna..
Aadat nahi humaari.
Masoom khwaahishon ko kuchalna..
Fitrat nahi humaari.

Diwaangi ki bhi had dekho..
Jo maanga, maine diya.
Toh kya hua agar..
Apne aapko hi mujhse cheen liya.

Chalte Chalte....

"Hi"

"Yeah hi"

"Leaving already?"

"Yeah......its late.And it might rain as well.I better hurry."

"Want me to walk you home?"

"I'm not walkin....
I'll take a cab or ...."

Before I can complete,

"I'm walking you home...."

"I wonder why you ask at all..."

"Haha..."

He smiles and says,
"Say something...."

"Nice shirt"

"Ohh, thanks...
And...?"

"Nice jeans as well....
Pepe or Levis?"

"Minakshi !! "

"Okay, what is it you want me to say?"

"Nothing....uhmm...
Hows life?"

"Yeah okay..
Hows yours?"

"Dunno...Never bothered to find out...."

"Hmm...
Too busy with girlfriends ?"

"Girlfriends.....
Yeah, too busy..."

I smile.

"I'm not lying"

I smile again.

"Okay...
I am lying.
No girlfriends...
As if I needed to be more obvious...."

I almost laugh.

"The loser me"

"Yes, the loser you"

He looks at me.

"Yeah....anyone who thinks he's a loser just because he's single-IS A LOSER !"

"Dont preach"
Almost scolding.

I smile again.

"What's so funny?"

"Naah...not funny.Amusing though."

"Amusing..."

"Yeah....how some people never grow up."

"And you've grown up alright......huh?"

"Stop being so defensive"

"Why didnt you ever call?"

"Lost your number.
Why didnt you?"

"I thought...
Nevermind...."

"Are you upset?"

"Am I? Dunno.....
Why do I feel you've changed?"

"Aah...too cliche....
Innovative drama is welcome though...."

"Not funny !"

"Sorry..
We're already there."

"Huh?"

"Home"

"Ohh yeah....And it didnt even rain.....
No interesting talk...
Didnt get an opportunity to save you from gangsters....
Nothing...."

"You were expecting all that ??"

"Kidding"

"Wanna come in?"

"No"

"Hey...before I forget....
Give me your number..."

"You'll lose it anyways....."

"Hey...."

"Bye"

"Wait!
Listen....."

He didnt.

I turned.
It was drizzling.

If I could ask/say...

There are so many things we keep asking ourselves.
If they are not too wacky (mine always,are),we might as well ask people around us.
So here's what I'd ask/say...

To God:
You dont hate me that much .....You're just trying to draw certain conclusions right?
Whatever...
I'm tired of your divine "chichorapan".Stop it now !!!!

To Dad:
Please define "ENGINEERING"

To Mom:
Will you always love me this much....

To Bro:
You really think I'm dumb????

To a friend:
You didnt mean it when you said.....
Okay, I'll drop this one !

Another friend:
The guy you are dating is a jerk!!
Do I still need to explain why????

My first serious crush:
Do you know I exist???

My second-not-so serious crush:
You were awful !

One of my aunts:
I hate you.
Please cut down on your visits to our place.
Pahleaseeeeeee !!!!!

To my Physics Sir:
You made me love something I most dreaded.(whatever the reasons may be ;))
Thank you !

To another friend:
I'm sorry!
But you still suck (big time).

To another friend:
We dont use perfume..
We use WATER to bath..
Got it sweety !!!

That guy at Satya Paul:
You're undoubtedly the cutest creature around !!

To be continued.....