She...

And so she walks beneath the evening sky
Her lumbering gait-
Her vanity imbibed.

She moves with a flicker
Like the evanescent time
With eyes that soak in ages of pride.

She says not a word
Not a soul does she find
She looks no more for a world in her stride.

Not a door to knock
Nor a path to return
She looks for a key, that wouldn’t unlock.

And so she walks beneath the evening sky
Her sinister world
With that dwindling hope entwined.

Diary

Life's been really strange for the last two years. The path along which life moved was not just unwanted but also better if avoided.

The continuous progression into time however, seems to have dislocated me ever since. And I'm still trying to put myself back on "the track".

These freaking two years were the worst.....turning everything upside down. The memories of my high-school days, somehow force me to drag up the unpleasant events and consequences.

Last two years in school were living hell. Nothing seemed to be right. Frequent troubles at school coupled with nasty confrontations at home totally drained me. And with my tendency to yield to difficult situations in life (in just the wrong way), made me withdraw from my friends and family in totality.

So much so that I completely gave up on dancing. Dancing- something that had engrossed me all my childhood.

Every attempt by mom and dad to put an end to my stretched nuances were met by an even more rebellious
outbreak of mine.I hated myself for it. Yet, it wasn't enough to help me get a grip on myself!

Today when i look back and try to analyze, I feel stupid about myself.

I gave up on my closest people for something so volatile, for something so unreal, for something which was never meant to be, for something I can never even imagine to stretch out my hands and touch, for something which snapped......just like that!!!
......Leaving me in the nothingness of nothing....

Time passed by, with or without guilt....

I was ready to embark on an all new venture in life when something so nasty gripped me, I couldn't help but end up being consumed by it.

The retardation that had crept into my being, began to spread all over...even around me. A dislike for almost everything was born out of sheer disgust of absolutely nothing.Call it my idiosyncrasy...or call it whatever...even I knew i was making no sense....

All this culminated into something I dreaded...something I feared.Yes, my fear finally took 'the form'.

And today that is all I am left with. Its like trying to revive that sand-castle just washed away by the sea.....

Bounded Freedom

What does it mean to live life on your own terms, what does it mean to be free?
When the congestions and constrictions cease to exist, how does it feel?

It certainly isnt flamboyant or flashy! Is it pallid then? As you become aware of and percieve your state, will you call it contentment? With no restraints to despise, you cant really call yourself alive! For what fun is it, what kind of life is it if you arent living on the edge?

You wont let your backbone crumble for you are adamantly convinced.The fortitude within tells you that you're right even when the world laughs at your resoluteness and calls you a fool!

The reasonings are illogical and haphazard.And they are better that ways. Clearity is intimidating and tangled identities are today true.

The disarrayed wants push you to dangerous permeable boundaries. Yet the impassable trait breathing in you holds you back.....you are not free!

The encroaching limits turn scary. Even the most resolute soul dwindles and meanders. It deviates. It does what it never wanted to do.

And is left with just one question...."What does it mean to be free?"

Rishtey toh nahi rishto ki parchaiyaan mile

Yeh kaisi bheed hai bas yehaan tanhaiyaan mile.

So it finally happens..

*End of the potter saga.After literally growing up with this wizard its hard to believe that there wont be a "next book" again.Though I'm reluctant to acknowledge this but the last book did kinda disappoint me.
Will miss you potter !!

*I'm finally living away from home.Though its too early to comment on my solitary state I'm waiting for the weekend.To return home obviously.

*I'm in college.Yes, finally in college.

*I've managed to put that black enamel on my nails and they look awesome.Yup !! the punk me.

*I now have to dial so many numbers(STD call) to talk to the person I literally lived, dreamt and aspired with.Missing you buddy.

*And I still am not happy with the word 'KID' !!!

And this is a crappy post.Sorry for making you read all this.