I do not have an attitude problem.
You've got a perception problem.

;)

(I love this.I love this!!!!)

The ethereal universe around me is consuming me.I do not want to stretch out my hands and ask for help.Instead today I want to be engulfed.Corroded by time and etched by the acidic phases,I refuse to break down.The hollowness within cant defeat me.

I want to stand up and look into the eyes of that Power which claims to reign my destiny and fate.No I'm not sorry for anything.My words were mine.My deeds,my own.I'm ready to walk alone.

Don't try comprehending me.You'll not succeed.You ground me to my origin as you inweave me with your beliefs and convictions.Don't do that.For I might try to defend myself.The defence may in all probability shatter you for it wouldn't be an inherited trait.It would be mine.

I'm irrevocable.Why expect a transition from me?Why bring me to the shore and expect a gratitude?Why pardon me whem I'm not submissive?I do not need your doctrines.I need not be preached.Why impose your fears and draconian inquisitions upon me?Why inject in me the helplessness I see in your eyes?
Why not just leave me alone.....

And if you cant,I'm sorry but you do not have a say here.
IT'S MY LIFE. AND YOU ARE NOT INVITED.

Ek Chaah

Ek koshish khud ko samajhne ki
Ek talaash,Ek prayaas,
Rooh main jhaank us anjaan chehre ko pehchaan ne ki,
Usse roo-ba-roo hone ki,
Use apnaane ki,
Ek chaah ab khud ko pehchaan ne ki.

Apne dharaatal se utth
Us aur ek haath badhaane ki,
Kal se door us kal ki aur badhne ki,
Navodit us umang ko pehchaan ne ki,
Khushi uske panapne ki,
Ek chaah ab khud ko chaahne ki.

Ek nayi shuruaat ko janm dene ki
Aaine main dekh muskuraane ki,
Khud se pyaar karne ki,
Khud ke kareeb aane ki,
Ek talaash,Ek prayaas,
Ek chaah ab ek nayi udaan bharne ki...

The Little Things..

Life,they say is beautiful...

It pitter-pattered on my window-pane.Craning my neck,I tried to look out.Rain drops on my cheeks.Gently caressing a rain drop,I look up at the grey sky.Pathos.The sky,as if it was a mother;longing to see her baby,just once.She can hold herself back no more.
What is it with the rain....I wonder.

A sultry afternoon.Uncomfortable but not unwanted.Yet,not invited.
Staring at the clock which vehemently refuses to deviate from its tedious pace,I wonder if the wait would be worthwhile.I wonder if I should fainly let it go..
Little had I realised that it had slipped off my hands already....gone forever.
Time.... is that what you call it?

The first silent prayer.Asking Him for the first time to help someone else.To take care of someone.And hoping He listens.....silently.

The first school-speech.Nervously clutching the microphone.Uttering those innumerable-times-practiced words.Avoiding those darting stares.Unnecessarily,tucking that shirt in or pulling that skirt down or straightening that tie up.School life.....

Hurrying home.Its late.An angry dad.That frosty stare.That numb reticence.Saying it all....
And then the next morning sitting you down and explaining the already-explained morals.Something that'll live with you all your life.....those words.

The Sundays.The lazy winter mornings.The fights.The birthday bumps.The coffee.The secrets....the little things.

Those little things that fill up every tiny space within you.Telling you that its not all about success,failure or the hyped achievements.
Theres something about that first dew-drop twinkling outside your window.
Theres something about gazing at the sky,at those stars and making a small little promise to yourself.
Theres something about staying up late at night doing nothing.
Theres something about that smile which makes you forget everything else.
Theres somthing about those little things.....

Life,they say is beautiful...

Mourning Hassles...

Koi yeh kaise bataaye ki woh tanha kyun hai
Woh joh apna tha wahi aur kisi ka kyun hai
Yehi duniya hai toh phir aisi yeh duniya kyun hai
Yehi hota hai toh aakhir yehin hota kyun hain

You got it- I'm mourning.Well after many days I had a reason enough to mourn.So it had to be a PROPER mourn.Didnt want it to be over-the-top or run-off-the-mill.
No matter what you do, it should have a certain amount of class associated with it.I was told this by my all-knowing-great brother.So how I did mourn and make others near me mourn too, is the story which runs through in the following lines :

Now when you are sad and all down I guess the first thing that undergoes a radical change is your appearance.Remember the actors in our bollywood movies going all white after a heart-break or some such crap.So I decided to go for all those pale shades.Like I gave up on my favorite candy pink or that beautiful sea-green.(I was mourning after all).It was grey and off-whites all the way.

And no flowing hair please.It needs to be strictly pulled back into an imperfect pony.Actually I wanted to create that 'white salwaar-kameez' look but my mom wouldn't relent anyways.Even I was a bit doubtful 'bout shopping for mourning.So the look was postponed.Anyways, who says you cant mourn in a tee and pajamaas?So what if my tee proclaimed out loud "PARTY TONIGHT"...Its about the feeling inside.They taught me this at those boring sessions at school.What do we call them....aah Moral Science classes !!

Now mourning is not easy.So what do you do when dad offers a Mc Donalds and City Centre together.You're tempted.Is it okay to have a quick bite at Mc Donalds when you're mourning? I thought.....Real hard.....Yes, its okay.Instead of something exuberant I'll order something plain.And I would keep feeling bad inside, I promised myself.The inside feeling..... remember?

Now what do you do bout the people around you.Certainly they'll notice that long face.In my case, they noticed lesser TV viewing, no loud music,excessive Jagjit Singh...no regular extortion of money.Worse,no weekend-shopping pleas.
My mom even asked me if I needed a visit to my Doc.
There are times like these when you come up with the most lame excuses.Which no one believes obviously.
Things I tried saying :
"Not feeling well.."
"I'm bored"
"Uhh...umm...nothins wrong"
And everyone believed me.Truly.

A week and I was done with the mourning.I needed my sanity back.Man...I was missing my spoilt habits.
I made a call:
"Hey, what you guys doing?"
"Spidey 3 at Forum"
"We've seen that already...."
"Cheeni kum??...thats all they've got"
"Pick me up"

I'm a horrible person. ;)

Sapne...

Humaare sapne humaare apne hote hain.Dil ke paas aur duniyaadari se alag humaare sachche humraah hote hain.Inhe na pehchaan ki talaash hoti hain aur na hi astitva ka sahaara chahiye hota hain.Na kisi bandhan main bandhe hote hain aur na hi moksha ki khoj main baawrein bane firte hain.
Kitne alag hote hain humse..

Sapne boonna galat nahi hota.Unpe nirbhar ho apne wartamaan ko bhoola dena galat hota hai.Sahi aur galat ke is bhawandar main se apne aap ko nikaalna shayad asaan na ho,par sapne dekhne waale kathinaaiyon ka arth bhi samajhte hain.Toh kya ek sapne ke janm lene se pehle us darr ka janm hona chahiye jo hume batata hain ki shayad yeh sapna kabhi poora na ho.Kya yeh sahi hain? Kyun har baar sirf do raastein hote hain-sahi ya galat.Teesra raasta kyun nahi hota? Kya teesra raasta ho sakta hain? Kabhi ?

Har sawaal ka jawaab nahi hota.Shayaad kuch sawaalon ko jawaab ka saath nahi milta.Ya duniya abhi bhi jawaab dhoond rahi hain.Intezaar karna humpe nirbhar hain.

Ek sapne ke toot jaane se kya doosre ka sahaara lena aniwaarya hain?Agar main us bikhre sapne ko apne haath main liye do aasoon bahaana chahoon toh kyun duniya ko aitraaz hain?Mere aasoon ka kaaran kyun bataaoon main aapko?Kyun yehaan har muskuraahat aur har aasoon ka karan hona zaroori hain?Aur agar na ho toh use chipaana zaroori hain.

"Aisa karna sahi nahi....aisa mat karo.
Usse kuch nahi haasil hota...parchaaiyon ke peeche mat bhaago."

Kya ek baar mujhe khud galti kar use sudhaarne ka mauka milega?Kya sirf ek baar main khud ek sapna dekh loon? Jo aapke sapne se pare ho...jo mera ho,mera apna.