Echo

It is not easy to let go, to take it all in and not even flinch. When I say it doesn’t matter, it matters all the more and how I wish you knew. That you understood that this silent uneasiness screams into me and I know into you as well.

It is not easy to let go when you’ve made promises. It hurts when you are cold. When you just don’t realize that all I need is a little bit of your warmth. It hurts when you walk away. From yourself. From me.

It is not easy to wait, when I know I can’t have you back. I never shall. It’s funny how every time this irresolute realm stretches to the wideness which neither you nor I can encompass. Taking it in is an intricate concept now.

It is not easy to be not scared. To not step back and turn away. It seems an irrational thing now of what was and what is. Yes, I’m afraid of losing you. Unsuspecting if I’ve already lost you. I could have.

It is not easy to feel good and not think about you. It is not easy to move ahead and not want to have you by my side. It feels empty. It feels ruthless and unfair. It feels like a battle fought without purpose. It feels like coming back to an empty house and never having back that little home.

It is not easy to believe that you are happy without me. That when you say life goes on you really don’t cringe within. To believe that you have indeed grown up and I haven’t. That I still find my little goldfish in a bowl fascinating.

It is not easy to sit back and put all those strewn pieces together again. For some pieces though wearyingly aligned, cannot put back the picture together again ‘cause some pieces still remain crumpled up in your tightened fist. And I know I shall never have them back.