Every time I'm perturbed because of what others said or did, my mom asks me to calm down and to try and flush it out of my system. I cannot begin to explain how difficult that becomes at times.
It is easier said than done. When our friends seem to be climbing the success ladder faster than us, it does bother the inner self. No, its not being envious. It essentially is not a negative feeling. But it evokes a sense of urgency, a fear of being left behind. And that in a way seems to be instinctive. Blame the society, blame the modern age or blame yourself; you cannot run away from it. Let's face it, we do get affected!
In all these complexities of life, we in a way forget to ask ourselves, what had we actually set out for? It actually becomes difficult to recall what exactly was the sole purpose of it all. After series of adaptations and alterations, the original seems to be lost far behind. And that is sad. What is worse is that after being caught in a mindless struggle for the supreme position, we don't even bother anymore about things which should be primary; for instance love, friendship and commitments.
This sort of creates a loop again. These questions of shoulds and musts are in a way directives to conformity. These again are assembled on the pillars of societal notions. It's like we are stuck in this loop. Moving from one point to another in circles. Basically not getting anywhere.
This age we live in again, is not very accepting. Neither is it inclusive. Either you fit in, force in or be left out. We are again tending towards the jungle rule.
Caught in between the inner and outer self, it becomes difficult to choose between x and y. How do you devise your modus operandi ? And given the above premise, what should a generic protocol be? Should it be conforming or non-conforming?
What's your call?
9 comments:
You know, when we start comparing our lives with others is when all these doubts as well as aspirations start creeping up. Who's where on the ladder, who's dating whom, bla bla bla...
How do they affect your life other than the hell you put yourself through fussing about all this?
The thing is - this is your life, and you are as happy as you want, and as successful as you think you are. In the end, only thing that would matter is how well you lived your life. And the funny thing is no one but you can answer that.. Probably thats the biggest paradox of life - we keep chasing other's shadows while forgetting our own selves.
I guess all that matters is finding your calling. Finding that one thing you are really passionate about, and excelling in that. My dad says that if you excel in your field, all the material success (if not success, at least all material needs) fill get fulfilled by itself, and thats good enough in terms of materialistic needs.
Let excellence be your goal, and let happiness be your path.
Let love be the basis of your life - be it the people in your life or be it your life's calling. And life surely will find its own way...
To the other question what would you choose conforming or not conforming, I guess the answer is not so black and white..
I guess the only way is do what you like, what you think is the right thing to do, and not care whether it conforms to the norms or not. Sometimes it might, sometimes it might not. It's okay..
And never bother to be a part of the crowd. No need to be an island, but yes, if you have just a few people around you who are like you, you wont really mind not being a part of the 'put-ons'..
So ya, thats about it...
Pallav has beautifully commented on your blog. Adding to it, once, I received a SMS which a fren of mine sent me when i had participated in a college competition where all other contestants were much more skilled and experienced than I. The SMS read "Be bold when you lose and be calm when you win, your life is a fingerprint that cannot be duplicated, so always make the best impression with it. It gave me so much strength. It still does.
I see you changed your background. I liked the previous one better:) I feel like something is missing now when I visit Latent space. Being a follower of Latent space for almost a year, assuming I may have developed some kinda of rights:), and if its not too much to ask, will ya change your background to the previous one?
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@pallav
My point precisely was what you have so beautifully paraphrased. I meant to say that it's not that we consciously compare our lives with those of others and fuss, instead somehow it has in a way been embedded in our systems - this comparison etc.
Yes, we need to independently decide - our paths and our lives. The question I'm asking here is that are we in the complete sense free to make our choices?
@Varman
Thanks for the comment. I was really bored of my previous layout. I'm still searching for the perfect one. These are only interim experiments. :)
@Minakshi: It is not ingrained (not our instincts) into us to compare ourselves with others and fuss. It is more of a societal thing - it is harped on to you that you are supposed to be the best, the shining example for others to follow, and only then would life be worthwhile. If we just for a moment paused and asked ourselves - the thing that I am fussing over, is that exactly what I wanted? Or am I fussing because someone's going somewhere, but I amn't and so I need to fuss?
Instead, we need to find out what do we want, and where to we want to get. And more importantly, life is all about exploring, getting anywhere is just a byproduct of that.
And to your other question - "Are we really free to make our choices?" the answer might seem rhetorical but it is as simple as this "Freedom is a choice..."
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