I've got my eyes shut really tight. And I'm hoping hard.

There's a bridge from here to where you stand.
I do not know if it exists for you too. All I know is that you will always remain on the other side. There and yet not there.
And me on this side. Here and yet not here.

I will never forget the night when all the ideas regarding love converged into a form which is so much easier to live with. Now there are no rigid lines. No divisions. I can love you. And you can not. Or you can. And it's all fine.

If someday you see me on the other side of your bridge, do take a step forward. As I said, there are no rules in this game. It's only life. And everything's fair here.

I love this time of the year in JNU. It's absolutely the best time to be on campus. Yes, it's freaking cold. And, yes the semester is on, which means you have to be up and about early in the morning, everyday. However, there is still this thrill in the early morning fog. There is this joy in bundling yourself up in warm layers, and well, almost rolling to classes. There is happiness in being silly and girly with the hostel girl-gang. And there is this sheer fascination for knowing the new, like never before.

I agree I have taken up too many things. Additional courses and work, as well as additional social responsibilities. Yet, it's all so exciting. I do not know why there's this sudden burst of euphoria in my mind. Maybe, because it's my last semester here. Or maybe somewhere in my mind I have an inkling that this might just be my last four months in Delhi. Whatever be the reason, all I want to do right now is - everything!

Of late I've been wondering about the things I'd miss the most about JNU. Listing down my favorite things here on campus, I realized that I'd never be able to come up with a complete list. I love every little thing about my University. The thing I'd miss the most however, would have to be the ultimate freedom this almost Utopian place offers. Where else in India would I be able to walk out of my home, alone at 2 am for a casual tea or ice cream? Where else in life would I not ever have to think about being politically correct? Where else would I experience the kind of Economics I did here? Where else would I be so proud to belong?

JNU has been one of the best experiences of my life. The day I pack my bags to make my way out of this place, would be a day of extreme happiness. Not because this journey will be over but because one of the best journeys of my life would commence then on.

Till then I'll try and grab as much of the remaining University life I have here as I can. And as the naive winter sun makes way for the fierce summer sun, I'll try and be like the transiting sun. A little naive and a little fierce. :)

Sometimes all you need to do is to hang in there. Things will pick up as days pick up and soon life will pick itself up and set itself rolling. All you need to do is to hold on. And hold on tight. :)

“You can hold yourself back from the sufferings of the world, that is something you are free to do and it accords with your nature, but perhaps this very holding back is the one suffering you could avoid.”

- Franz Kafka

What's the point of running from pillar to post? All your life. Day after day after day!

It all ultimately boils down to which grade? Which School? Which city? Which country? How much? How pretty? How sexy? How rich?

So trivial. So meaningless. What exactly is the point then?

लौ को जलने दो. रौशनी अगर चुभे , तो चुभने दो. बेचैनी अगर हो, तो होने दो. 

पर इस लौ को जलने दो.  

Pic : Diwali 2011 (Home)

Raghu Rai. At the Delhi Photo Festival, India Habitat Centre, New Delhi.

After a day of spontaneous photography and sight-seeing in our own city, Pallav and I casually dropped by at the IHC to glance through the Photo Exhibition. We were thrilled when we got to know that Rahgu Rai would be in a conversation with the audience.

When asked by a young guy in the audience to define a "complete photographer", the witty Rai quickly retorted, " A complete photographer would be one who remains incomplete and carries on. Agar pyaala pura bhar jaaye, toh chaahat kam hone lagti hai."

Needless to say, we came back home encouraged and inspired.

Kal raat bahut der talak main jagti rahi.

Tumhaari jo itni saari tasveerein hain paas mere, na jaane kitni baar unhe dekhti rahi. Kuch tirche kuch dhumil, kuch naye aur kuch puraane.

Tasveeroin mein samaaye na jaane kitne lamhe. Na jaane kitna waqt aur na jaane kitne tum aur kitne hum. Lamhoin mein behti kuch kahaaniyaan, tasveeroin mein kaid kuch yaadein aur un thehre hue paloin mein badalte tum aur badalte hum.

Maano ek arsaa beet gaya ho - tab mein aur aaj mein. Maano kal ki hi baat ho. Ya na maano toh jaise aisi hi rahi ho puri zindagi humaari.

Main keh rahi hoon tumse, main der tak in tasveeroin ko haath mein liye inhe takti rahi. Na jaane kab haath se tasveer chooti aur na jaane kab aankh lag gayi.

Par...

Kal raat bahut der talak main jagti rahi.

Rain-winds

For once the rain-winds will come into my house and sweep away this scorching burden. The wind-chimes will dance wild. The post-it notes shall unleash themselves and free me of all my to-do distractions.

Some parched leaves will fly in. One of them might come and nestle in my stack of dust-gathering unread books. One might come and rest next to me on my bed, where I lay down on hot afternoons thinking of my little home-town by the meandering river where my lonely mother waits and waits. One of them might just refuse to be and fly out of the door, leaving me alone, like always.

Whilst I fight my own angst and learn to bear can I hope for it to rain? Can I hope for the burnt old earth to smell of a new life? Can I hope...dream...lose hope and then dream again?

And as the stench of the burnt earth evaporates, the clouds shall growl and hide away the evening star. In its darkness I shall sit, drawing imaginary roads on the blackened walls of my room which shall some day lead me to you. In the still of the night before the rain comes, you shall drift into my dreams. The pain and the pleasure of this, only I will know.

Everything will end as it had begun. Everything will be lost as it was gotten. Everything will die as it had lived.

For once the rain-winds will come. And I will live.