Diary

Life's been really strange for the last two years. The path along which life moved was not just unwanted but also better if avoided.

The continuous progression into time however, seems to have dislocated me ever since. And I'm still trying to put myself back on "the track".

These freaking two years were the worst.....turning everything upside down. The memories of my high-school days, somehow force me to drag up the unpleasant events and consequences.

Last two years in school were living hell. Nothing seemed to be right. Frequent troubles at school coupled with nasty confrontations at home totally drained me. And with my tendency to yield to difficult situations in life (in just the wrong way), made me withdraw from my friends and family in totality.

So much so that I completely gave up on dancing. Dancing- something that had engrossed me all my childhood.

Every attempt by mom and dad to put an end to my stretched nuances were met by an even more rebellious
outbreak of mine.I hated myself for it. Yet, it wasn't enough to help me get a grip on myself!

Today when i look back and try to analyze, I feel stupid about myself.

I gave up on my closest people for something so volatile, for something so unreal, for something which was never meant to be, for something I can never even imagine to stretch out my hands and touch, for something which snapped......just like that!!!
......Leaving me in the nothingness of nothing....

Time passed by, with or without guilt....

I was ready to embark on an all new venture in life when something so nasty gripped me, I couldn't help but end up being consumed by it.

The retardation that had crept into my being, began to spread all over...even around me. A dislike for almost everything was born out of sheer disgust of absolutely nothing.Call it my idiosyncrasy...or call it whatever...even I knew i was making no sense....

All this culminated into something I dreaded...something I feared.Yes, my fear finally took 'the form'.

And today that is all I am left with. Its like trying to revive that sand-castle just washed away by the sea.....