Europe happened a month back.
On some particular nights as tonight, I cannot help but drift away to Champs-Elysees or La Rambla. It's like my heart is still there and I have been somehow dragged here back to India with my mind intact. This disconnect between the heart and the mind - I cannot begin to explain how difficult it can be at times.
It was like a beautiful dream which is now over. Everyone talks about dreaming, working hard to make your dreams come true, nurturing the dream all along and fighting to never let it fade away. No one however talks about what happens when you begin to live your dream and what happens most importantly when the dream has been fulfilled - taken the best shape possible. What happens after that?
I am somewhere in the middle of this last question. I always dreamt of seeing Europe. Worked very hard for almost 3 years to save as much as I could for this dream. And it did happen. In the most beautiful way possible. But it's now over. It's a dream fulfilled. And that somehow, in the most bizarre way is very, very painful.
I don't want to let it go. Yes, I can go back. Yes, I can also go to a million other places in this world and continue my explorations. But this - this childhood dream is too good to let go. I am struggling to find something back again which would make me yearn as much as I did for Europe.
I think I know what the problem is. It's the loss of one of your firsts. You know, your first kiss or your first sight of the Eiffel or your first paycheck. I have yet again lost one of my firsts. So this is what happy-sad feels like. No more palpitating excitement of what will it be like to see Europe. No more butterflies in the stomach before the plane finally touches the European soil. Just a bag full of happy memories.
It will take me some time to step back and move towards a new dream - towards so many more dreams I have seen and will see in the future. For now, I am somewhere floating between Belgium and Spain. And it's beautiful!
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